My Heart Is Broken…

Simply my KAT will not be having puppies this time.

Thru no fault of hers or mine…The puppies are simply gone! Not in her…a miscarriage…she does have milk and is still nesting…The Vet says she is fine and lost the puppies about 2 to 3 weeks ago…

She is fine internally everything looked correct and healthy on the x ray and no infection. KAT should be in heat around April…it is safe to breed her again… and…yes I do plan to breed her then.

KAT and I have spent the last three weeks in the whelping area waiting  for these special little bundles of joy and trouble! 🙂 I have been talking to these amazing puppies…what they would look like, be like, how we planned to raise them, what good English Shepherds they would be and how they would all have jobs! some in Agriculture and others in Town…but, sadly… they were not meant to be.

KAT is so sweet…I think her heart is sad too. She is sleeping in the basement for a few more days. 

I live on a farm…was raised on one… back then my heart was too tender (according to my sweet, wise, strong, Grandma Delk)  I cried when something was hurt or worse…I saw much as a child. Calves that did not make it, foals they were the worst…I was spared the loss of the puppies for some reason…little ducklings and chicks I saw those…And family… I was spared that as well…this is how I grew up on the farm.

Grandma would declare to my “WHY?” that “this is just the way it is! ”

My dogs all of them are my good friends and like real family in my heart…So the loss of  the puppies is hard.

Farmers know things go wrong and they have to continue on, be strong and trust that it all works out! 

I have watched my sheep. Cause and effect . Things completely out of my control like weather, or a lamb to large in a small ewe’s tummy..or a ewe getting old and disoriented (I have an old ewe that some days is with the herd and other days has no clue)  of course I look out for her…how sometimes I send my dog to fetch the sheep and a ewe takes off, or the days I call the sheep and they all come to me running.

My heart is broken. I had planned for 8 or 10 sweet baby puppies for over a year. How I would care for them, and one would be mine, how I would teach them so many things…How we would ride on the JD Gator and go to the branch and creek. How they would meet the sheep and how sweet KAT would help in all our adventures. How they would meet their prospective families. I have so many people that I have disappointed. I feel failure and disappointment in my heart and soul. I am so very sorry…I know it is not KAT’s fault nor mine but still I feel it.

 I know there will be future KAT Puppies…Just not this time… God has a plan and I am sure this one ends well, no matter how I feel right now! 

Simply

“Faith is the Substance of Things Hoped for the Evidence of Things not Seen.”

a lesson for me in real time