Where do I begin?
I truly have no idea…I have attended church all of my life…Not that it seemed to do much good…as I was a teen…then adult…
I remember as an 11 year old a dream I had…it haunts me to this day…The Holy Ghost has spoken to me many times in ways unbelievable…Not a Word so much as a push or a yearning of my heart I could not satisfy in any way no matter what I tried…and well…sigh…I tried…
Clearly God’s prevenient grace was at work in my heart..all those wonderful days in Sunday school as a child and at Bible School! I heard with my ears and heart…but my will was a force too…
I have worked my way through unforgivness of others…I have lived in a state of anger, aggravation, misery, unhappiness, restlessness of my spirit…oh You Sweet Holy Ghost!!!
I want to grow , learn, be well, understand…and be able to help others…
Because of Covid… Les and I attended a different United Methodist Church in our area…and the preacher spoke…I could hear and understand and most of all be challenged!
After attending for several months the preacher announced a 4 week study about Christianity…I went!
While I was saved…no doubt…June 13,1990…I could not grow like I wanted and yearned in my spirit and heart…Oh Lord a heart like King David is what I want! That heart after God…Well there is so much more surgery to perfect it!
“I got me a dose” (as my Grandpa use to say) The 4 week course “Rule of Life”… Some of you may know what I am speaking of… I truly had to face what I hated most my lies…and how my life was built on them… I truly knew… but they were hidden and while I was uncomfortable… but no where enough to deal with the roots of the lies… they were like… an invasive grass in my most precious flower bed…at some point PULL THEM UP! GET DIRTY! BUT DO IT!!!
I fought it! But I had to get well to be able to grow…So I took the plunge! Became vulnerable and talked about my lies…came home and Les and I had a discussion too…oddly the lies I had lived started when I was a wee girl and I had built on what I had seen, been, told, and then started my own stockpile…this makes me smile…I never thought of it like this…and none of the lies had anything to do with my sweet husband…but they were affecting everything in my life even my beloved work with sheep and dogs!
Les had no condemnation for me! WHAT!!! I was free finally…Oddly…our relationship is so much better…This was the best Christmas ever! With each of us finding our way… give and take… the anger gone…Sigh…It has been ME!
Oh nothing is perfect…but as John Wesley said “we work towards perfection”…not knowing what that looks like for me…I have much more work…but what a good start this is! I want to become what God says I am!
Lauren Daigel “You Say”
